Tabletop Tree

Once when I was young my parents took us on a family vacation.

I don't remember where we went.

I don't remember what we saw.

I don't remember what we did.

I *do* remember we forgot to feed the fish.

20 years later...

I unearthed the remaining fishbowl digging around for the heritage Christmas ornaments (read: Hallmark) my family sometimes makes me use for our Big Tree.

  And since Goldie Prawn has long since been flushed and for the most part forgotten, I thought, "F*ck it."

Materials: 

1 goldfish bowl

(the one shown here is actually antique blown glass)

6 lbs. aquarium gravel

1 yard of bitchy ribbon

1 sawed-off top to the too-tall pine tree that your dad just discarded from the family room tree to "make the f*cker fit"

&

water

(moron.)

Assembly Time:

your broken childhood + 15 minutes

Cost Breakdown:

$2.50 - price of fish bowl in 1990

$6.00 - two 3 lb. bags of aquarium gravel

$15.00 - 1 yard of aforementioned bitchy ribbon

$0.00 - tree

Total: $23.50